Book Excerpts

PART ONE

CHAPTER ONE: THE ANATOMY OF CONTROL
The opening chapter digs into the root of most relationship problems: control – what constitutes it, what variations come from it, who fights for it and how do we balance it?
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CHAPTER TWO: YOU AND CONTROL
Chapter 2 helps the reader identify important questions based on the Big Six, serving as a guide to evaluate whether you have control in all these factors in your relationship.  
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CHAPTER THREE: THE CONTROL WARS
Chapter 3 emphasizes that everyone usually suffers in a war – so is it necessary? Will it get you what you want?
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PART TWO

CHAPTER FOUR: WHO’S IN CONTROL – YOU OR THEM
Chapter 4 advises on finding the proper attorneys and therapists for your divorce case. It can be a difficult process, and the reader needs to look for those that will help you reach your goals and leave you feeling in control.
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CHAPTER FIVE: THE EMOTIONAL WARS
Staying out of an emotional war is often viewed as impossible because in many divorces people are intentionally hurting the other person, causing emotional pain and possibly irreversible consequences.
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CHAPTER SIX: THE PSYCHOLOGICAL WARS
Psychological wars entail subtle or covert attacks, probing each other’s sanity and targeting their minds, as opposed to their feelings. Nothing screams “I am the victor” louder than if they can’t get a rise out of you.
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CHAPTER SEVEN: THE LEGAL WARS
Legal wars, the most financially distressing of all three wars, is setting yourself up for years of emotional, psychological and financial recuperation. This chapter forewarns of the many and tedious legal processes that this war can engage.
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CHAPTER EIGHT: THE INTERNAL WARS
This chapter profiles a different type of war – a war against the Enemies Within, which are the battles indirectly related to your ex, and how to identify and control them. Ms. Phillips emphasizes the importance of isolating the activities, such as overworking, excessive drinking, or compulsive spending, which prohibit self control during the divorce process and offers sensible strategies to help regain that control.
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CHAPTER NINE: THREATS AND CONTROL
Threats can emerge within any type of divorce war and be expressed through some type of physical violence, emotional abuse, financial control or threats through children. They are classified into three categories: real, implied, or imagined.
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CHAPTER TEN: THANK YOU, MR. LETTERMAN
This chapter offers advice, in the form of “Top Ten Lists,” for practicing self-control in the actions you take and the words you speak throughout the divorcing process. Oftentimes, what we say or do in a moment of frustration or anger can negatively affect the results of a trial
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CHAPTER ELEVEN: GETTING, GAINING, ASSUMING AND MAINTAINING CONTROL
After the long, emotional roller coaster that is divorce, the final step is the ability to recognize the progress that you have made in regaining control of your life. All the advice, do’s and don’ts, and quizzes in this book lead up to the moment you realize that control is no longer in the hands of your ex, which is a significant accomplishment deserving praise.
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WORKSHEETS

MONEY/ASSETS/LIABILITIES
The first part of the assessment has to do with monetary issues and assets. The first series of questions are for those of you who are thinking about or beginning the divorce process.


CHILDREN
The next set of questions has to do with the children that are a result of your relationship. If you have no children, or your new significant other or new spouse has no children, or grown children, then skip this section.